Heather Palacios shares about seeing the goodness of God amidst intense mental turmoil.
When I was 8 years old I wrote a suicide letter to my grandma and mailed it. Naturally, very concerned, she turned it over to my parents. Who in turn, had me meet with a Christian counselor. Little did I know then, that that would mark the beginning of a lifelong journey with a battle in my mind. Along the way, I would fight these battles in my mind, not knowing how to, but knowing that for survival I needed to. During my adolescent and young adult years, I ended up fighting these battles with alcohol. And on a couple occasions, when I just didn’t want to fight any more, I tried taking my life.
Fast forward to the summer of 2000, I was twenty-three years old, a newlywed to a godly bi-vocational guy who was a businessman and a singles’ pastor. On this one particular day, I woke up with an overwhelming (and unattainable) schedule. I was hosting a houseguest, working a shift at my job, volunteering as an administrator for a pastor’s conference, co-leading the singles group with my husband, administrating for a women’s ministry, and training for a marathon. Basically, this time, I was battling my mind by running away from it by saying, “yes” to everything and everyone.
As I tried to carry myself through this day, I snapped. I didn’t want to battle my mind, I didn’t want to fulfill all my commitments, and I didn’t want to live. I decided I was going to take my life. In a contradicting calculated-but-crazy moment, I drove to the drug store, called my husband to say good-bye, purchased a bottle of booze, drank the entire bottle, and went back to my car to execute my plan. Being numb allowed me to bash my head repeatedly into my car dashboard. Like a rabid animal, I bashed my head as …
from The Exchange http://ift.tt/1qZHd7q
via IFTTT