I hate being dependent upon others.
When I was small I didn’t call on my older brothers to help me with bullies in the neighborhood. When there was sickness and death in my family, as a young boy, I took pride in not looking to others for comfort. I wanted to be able to handle life on my own.
I became a Christian when I was eighteen as my determined self-dependence began to falter in the face of the pressures of life. Despite my walls of resistance, I came face-to-face with my need for God.
During the first years of my Christian walk, I enjoyed the good things God did for me. I learned and grew a lot. But then I thought that I was ready to take it on my own. “Stand back, God, I’ll take it from here.”
Much to my dismay, I discovered that being a disciple of Jesus didn’t work that way. When I marched off on my own, the Lord had a way of allowing the rug to slip out from under me. Jesus didn’t say, “Blessed are those who were poor in spirit.” He said, “Blessed are those who are poor in spirit.” Being dependent upon God is a way of life, every day, every minute. It is to those who know their continuing spiritual poverty that the riches of his kingdom are an inexhaustible resource.
Set aside the illusion that you have anything to offer to God that he needs. Set aside the things you own which nourish your sense of spiritual independence. Sit quietly until you are aware of your need for God.