Life Lessons Learned by Newell Hillis
It was early morning, and I had to catch a flight to Malaysia. As I crept back into the bedroom to kiss my wife goodbye, she stirred, half-awake, and said, “I forgot to pack your ties… Wes called last night… Do you have handkerchiefs?” I kissed her, hugged her, and left for the airport with a warm heart and an even warmer thought: this is my woman, and I am her man. That moment—mundane, brief, and unpolished—held the kind of quiet beauty that many long for. It wasn’t grand romance, but it was real, rooted, and lasting.
So, why does our marriage still work after all these years? Here are five lessons we’ve learned—lessons not from a seminar or a book, but from life itself.
1. We Share a Common Vision by Walking Closely with Christ
The first and most essential reason our marriage endures is our shared walk with Jesus. Our faith in Christ isn’t a background belief; it’s our foundation. Hebrews 10:22 reminds us to draw near to God with sincere hearts, and Romans 15:5 speaks of a spirit of unity as we follow Christ. When Ruth and I are in sync with Christ, we find we are also in sync with each other. Our shared faith gives us common values, shared mission, and a bigger purpose than just surviving the day-to-day.
It’s not always easy—spiritual intimacy takes time and intentionality. But when we both spend time in Scripture and prayer, something happens. Our disagreements soften, our words become kinder, and our hearts move in the same direction. That common direction anchors our marriage.
2. We Respect Each Other’s Differences
We don’t always see things the same way—and we’ve learned that’s okay. In fact, it’s a strength. 1 Corinthians 12:4–6 reminds us that there are different kinds of gifts, ministries, and outcomes, but one God working through all. I’ve come to appreciate that Ruth’s wisdom often shines in places mine does not. Her insights have often pulled us back from poor decisions or propelled us forward when I was hesitant.
Respect doesn’t mean agreement on everything. It means we take each other seriously. We listen, we pause before dismissing, and we try to understand. That attitude has saved us from countless arguments and deepened our bond.
3. We Attack Problems, Not Each Other
This one took some learning. Early in our marriage, conflict could get personal. We’d dig in, defend, and sometimes lash out. But over time, we learned the wisdom of 1 Peter 3:8–9: “Be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit.”
We began to see our problems as outside of us, not between us. When finances were tight, or when parenting challenges came up, we tried to shift the mindset from “you vs. me” to “us vs. the problem.” It changed everything. Conflict didn’t disappear, but the battlefield changed. Now, we try to ask, “How can we face this together?” rather than “Whose fault is this?”
4. We Laugh Often and Play Together
Some of our best marital medicine has come in the form of laughter. Proverbs 15:13 says, “A joyful heart makes a cheerful face,” and I believe it makes a cheerful marriage too. Whether it’s Scrabble games that turn competitive, tennis matches that end in playful teasing, or just recalling inside jokes from decades ago, we laugh—a lot.
Life is serious. Bills, responsibilities, health, aging—they all weigh heavily. But shared joy has been our way of lifting that weight. Playfulness is a spiritual practice in its own right. It’s our reset button. When we take time to enjoy each other, we remember why we like each other—and that’s a big part of staying in love.
5. I Lead, and She Follows—with Mutual Honor
This is perhaps the most misunderstood part of our marriage. Ephesians 5:22 calls wives to submit to their husbands as to the Lord, and Genesis 2:18 describes the wife as a helpmate. But hear me clearly: this is not about dominance. It’s about mutual trust and divine design.
I strive to lead not by control but through servant-hearted initiative. Ruth supports that role with grace and strength. She doesn’t follow blindly—she follows with discernment. Our roles are complementary, not competitive. This dance of leadership and support has only worked because both of us seek to honor Christ first.
Over 33 years, Ruth has stayed with me through thick and thin. We’ve faced joys and sorrows, victories and valleys. And here we are, likely in the fourth quarter of life, still very much a team. I understand we’re now seen as “senior citizens,” but honestly, we’re having some of our best days.
When I return from this trip, I expect we’ll do what we love—play Scrabble, hit the tennis court, and enjoy an old movie together. Nothing flashy, but everything meaningful. These are the moments that define our marriage.
And as I reflect, I’m reminded that no great marriage happens by accident. It’s built choice by choice, day by day, year after year. With Christ at the center, mutual respect, shared joy, and a commitment to solving problems rather than creating them, a marriage can not only survive—it can thrive.
Blessing:
May God bless you as you reflect on these life lessons learned. Whether you are married, hope to be, or are supporting others in their relationships, may your journey toward heaven be enriched by the wisdom of Scripture and the gentle reminders of how God can sustain love through the seasons of life. His grace is enough. His design is beautiful. His presence makes all the difference.
Related Article:
https://www.crosswalk.com/family/marriage/why-some-marriages-last-when-others-dont.html
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