Suicide

With Randy Blanton taking his life, I thought it might be valuable to share some thoughts concerning how we view the act and treat the survivors.

Some survivors struggle with what to tell other people. Although you should make whatever decision feels right to you, most survivors have found it best to simply acknowledge that their loved one died by suicide.

You may find that it helps to reach out to family and friends. Because some people may not know what to say, you may need to take the initiative to talk about the suicide, share your feelings, and ask for their help.

Even though it may seem difficult, maintaining contact with other people is especially important during the stress-filled months after a loved one’s suicide.

Keep in mind that each person grieves in his or her own way. Some people visit the cemetery weekly; others find it too painful to go at all.

Each person also grieves at his or her own pace; there is no set rhythm or timeline for healing.

Anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays may be especially difficult, so you might want to think about whether to continue old traditions or create some new ones. You may also experience unexpected waves of sadness; these are a normal part of the grieving process.

Some survivors find comfort in community, religious, or spiritual activities, including talking to a trusted member of the clergy.

Be kind to yourself. When you feel ready, begin to go on with your life. Eventually starting to enjoy life again is not a betrayal of your loved one, but rather a sign that you’ve begun to heal.

Survivors often experience a wide range of grief reactions, including some or all of the following:

Shock is a common immediate reaction. You may feel numb or disoriented, and may have trouble concentrating.

Symptoms of depression, including disturbed sleep, loss of appetite, intense sadness, and lack of energy.

Anger towards the deceased, another family member or yourself.

Relief, particularly if the suicide followed a long and difficult mental illness.

Guilt, including thinking, "If only I had…."

These feelings usually diminish over time, as you develop your ability to cope and begin to heal.

Many survivors struggle to understand the reasons for the suicide, asking themselves over and over again: "Why?" Many replay their loved ones’ last days, searching for clues, particularly if they didn’t see any signs that suicide was imminent.

Because suicide is often poorly understood, some survivors feel unfairly victimized by stigma. They may feel the suicide is somehow shameful, or that they or their family are somehow to blame them for this tragedy.

But you should know that 90 percent of all people who die by suicide have a diagnosable psychiatric disorder at the time of their death (most often depression or bipolar disorder). Just as people can die of heart disease or cancer, people can die as a consequence of mental illness.

Try to bear in mind that suicide is almost always complicated, resulting from a combination of painful suffering, desperate hopelessness and underlying psychiatric illness.

Pray for those who follow after Randy.

Michael