As an employee at a children’s magazine, I often receive letters from kids seeking advice on various aspects of life. Typically, the letters revolve around common childhood issues like dealing with annoying siblings. However, occasionally, I come across letters that touch on deeper matters, such as the struggle to balance devotion to God with newfound love for a pet.
In the past, I used to find these letters amusing. After all, it seemed impossible for anyone to prioritize something over their faith in God, especially for Christians like us. But I was mistaken. I discovered this firsthand through my own experiences.
Ever since I was a child, I’ve nurtured dreams of marriage, having children with a loving husband, and even adopting additional children. Dreaming about marriage isn’t inherently wrong, but I recently realized that these thoughts had started to consume me and take precedence in my mind. As a result, I fell into a state of depression. Desperate for a solution, I turned to God, and He revealed three crucial truths to me.
God must be at the center of my life.
Throughout my life, I’ve often heard pastors and deeply devoted Christian couples emphasize the principle of putting God first and one’s spouse second. And they’re absolutely right. Whether you’re single or in a relationship, God should always occupy the primary position in your life.
Matthew 6:33 reminds us, “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Whenever thoughts of marriage enter my mind, I consciously surrender them to God. While I do pray for a future spouse and ask God to guide my path towards marriage in His perfect timing, I avoid excessive daydreaming about it, recognizing how easily it can become an obsession.
Although this might not be a struggle for everyone, my desire for marriage tends to breed anxiety, which is contrary to its purpose. It took time for me to fully “cast all my anxieties on him,” as advised in 1 Peter 5:7. However, once I did, I experienced a significant sense of relief and freedom.
God alone can fulfill me, not another person.
A few months ago, I managed to check off four out of the five most important things on my life’s wishlist.
Graduate from college: Check.
Live in a foreign country: Check.
Land my dream job as a writer/editor: Check.
Become a published author: Check.
Yet, there remained one item on the list:
Get married and start a family: Not checked off yet.
You might assume that having accomplished four remarkable feats at such a young age, I would be ecstatic. However, I found myself fixated on the one thing I hadn’t yet achieved, feeling deeply unfulfilled. Despite my achievements, there was an insatiable hunger within me, an unquenchable desire for more. The realization that success alone couldn’t fill the void in my heart struck me like a lightning bolt. I yearned for something greater, something that would bring true fulfillment to my life. Every accomplishment seemed to fade in comparison to this unfulfilled dream. While others marveled at my achievements, I couldn’t shake off this constant sense of longing. And so, I embarked on a new journey, determined to find the missing piece of my puzzle. With every step, my determination grew stronger, pushing me forward even when the path seemed arduous. The fear of failure became a distant memory as I embraced the challenge with open arms. It was not about the accolades or external validation anymore; it was about finding my inner voice and pursuing my true purpose. I dove headfirst into uncharted waters, navigating through uncertainty and embracing the beauty of the unknown. Along the way, I discovered that fulfillment is not merely the accumulation of achievements, but rather a state of being, a profound sense of contentment that transcends external circumstances. With each milestone reached, I realized that true fulfillment originates from within, from living a life aligned with my values and passions. As I continued this transformative journey, I learned to appreciate the process as much as the destination. I understood that fulfillment is not a destination; it is an ever-evolving journey that requires constant self-reflection and growth. So, I embraced the challenges, the setbacks, and the triumphs, for they all contributed to the tapestry of my fulfillment. Today, as I reflect upon my accomplishments, I no longer measure my success solely by external standards.
The truth is, only God can truly fulfill me. It isn’t my relationship status or the accomplishment of personal goals that can bring lasting satisfaction. Even the idea of a future husband, who I’ve imagined as almost perfect, falls short. People come and go in our lives, and some might never even appear. Yet, God is always present. If I make God the central focus of my life, I require nothing else for fulfillment. If I do get married someday, my husband will complement my life rather than define it.
God will never disappoint me.
It took me some time to grasp the validity of this statement. When you prioritize God and place complete trust in Him, you won’t be let down by what He does or doesn’t bring into your life. Someone close to me frequently reminded me of this truth, but I initially found it hard to believe. I would think, “Yeah, right. If God doesn’t disappoint us, why am I disappointed about still being unmarried?”
Clearly, if I had placed full trust in God, I would have recognized that He wasn’t the one disappointing me. I merely needed to exercise patience and wait for His timing in regard to marriage. We are all familiar with Jeremiah 29:11, which declares God’s plans for us as good and beneficial. Sometimes these plans require waiting, whether they involve marriage or not. Truly, it becomes evident that had I fully entrusted myself to God, I would have come to the realization that He was not the source of my disappointment. It was simply a matter of exhibiting patience and allowing His timing to unfold in relation to marriage. It is essential for us to be familiar with Jeremiah 29:11, which declares that God has good and advantageous plans for us. At times, these plans necessitate waiting, regardless of whether they pertain to marriage or not.
God’s heart is filled with love for His children. If we trust Him completely, allow Him to fulfill us, and make Him the center of our lives, we can navigate through challenges and distractions. This is particularly challenging when thoughts, daydreams, jealousies, and other distractions arise, attempting to divert our attention elsewhere. Personally, I can attest that consistent prayer and maintaining a close relationship with God have enabled me to prioritize seeking Him above my dreams of marriage. My hope is that you, too, will find encouragement in joining me on this journey.